Good morning, Olya Yurievna.
Hello, Vasyl Petrovych.
-You're being so official. -It's an official holiday.
It's Bank Employee Day.
Best wishes on behalf of the president.
From the entire presidential office.
From Parliament and your colleagues.
I wish you a strong hryvnia, or nerves.
Thank you. No flowers?
Oh, my God.
Did you take them from a garden, or was it Bella's idea?
Neither.
I chose them myself.
-You remember the ones I like? -Yes.
Thank you.
Well, I have to run.
-Lots to do. I'll see you later. -Okay.
-Many thanks. -Thanks.
Hello?
-Olya Yurievna, greetings. -Yes?
-Happy holidays. -Thank you.
-Any thoughts on my proposal? -Yes.
I've thought about it.
What's your decision?
It's a deal. I accept the offer.
Then I'll give you the details later.
Goodbye.
PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION OF UKRAINE
Yes, come in.
Hello.
Mikhail Ivanovich, you rang, I came.
-Have a seat. -Thanks.
I contemplated your offer, and you know what?
I think I'll accept it.
Splendid.
But you could have notified me over the phone.
Sure, but there's one small thing missing.
Really? What?
The surname of your guy.
I'd like to alter it...
slightly.
What can I say? It's a fine surname.
There won't be a problem at the DMV.
We'll find a person with this surname.
This is about lifting visa requirements between Ukraine and Belgium.
It'll be a breakfast meeting.
Meat, a seafood dish and dessert.
Skip the food part, Oksana.
Skip the food, please.
I ate something bad yesterday. I don't feel well.
-I'll call a doctor. -Don't.
I'm okay, really. Continue.
Right.
Men are invited to breakfast.
In the reception area, they meet and set the discussion topics.
Thus, the duration of a diplomatic breakfast
is usually one hour to 90 minutes.
Yes?
We're ready.
-Okay, in one hour. -We're waiting.
See you later.
-Sergei Viktorovich. -I have to go.
-Where to? -A meeting.
Our meeting is in the function hall.
Then call off the meeting, Oksana. Okay?
Everything later, during working hours. There's no time.
Aleksei!
Yes?
Take a seat, Aleksei.
We're short on time. Let's get on with it.
How much came in over the summer?
The summer profit.
Tell me about summer. Do you know what summer is?
Summer is...
a short life.
Right, for the previous summer period,
we made a nice sum with state-run Naftogaz.
Eight billion.
The state-run nuclear power operator brought in 5,5 billion.
This is 2% higher than last year for the same period.
The railways...
right, seven billion.
The state food and grain corporation
earned 1,7 billion...
and the Odessa Portside Plant
tallied 1,3 billion hryvnias.
So,
that's the grand total.
-Why is it such a little amount? -The global crisis has been blamed for it.
And the others are immune to it?
Give the shareholders their stake.
And me, as well.
You'll bring the report later.
I'll give it a quick glance.
And the Treasury?
What Treasury?
It needs something.
Shit!
Everything was nice and sweet, and then bang! There you have it.
Yuriy Ivanovich, the people...
The people are sacred. Yes.
Therefore...
Distribute it fairly to everyone.
And give the nation's Treasury...
10%.
12%. And don't look at me that way.
15%. And no more.
Everything was taking shape so nicely...
-Hello. -Hi.
Krivitskiy! Igor Vasilievich?
I've heard of you.
I'm glad that such a person works on our committee.
I'm flattered.
I know that I took your spot.
But I hope you didn't take offense.
It's fraternal. We're working toward one goal.
-We have nothing to share. -Yes.
We'll make a good team! All the best.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
-I was going to your office. -I'm heading there, too.
Perhaps, my office?
I always have time for the president.
Come in.
After you.
Yuriy Ivanovich, I'd like...
to propose a legislative bill on education.
I need your support.
-In education? -Yes.
We're all right there.
Who is "we" here?
The ministers and lawmakers whose kids study abroad?
Why reduce all of us to the same level?
My children study in Ukraine.
At the British college.
Please sit.
You know, I...
Yuriy Ivanovich, I'd like to emulate China, Singapore
and our lawmakers, and send our children to study abroad.
Studying abroad is okay,
with one condition.
That upon their return, they spend at least five years
working in our government institutions.
This way, we'll get specialists with international skills.
-A splendid idea, Vasyl Petrovych. -Yeah?
I think the Cabinet will back you.
But not this year. The budget is set.
The heating season is around the corner, harvesting,
winter sowing and foreign debt.
All the money is allocated.
Vasyl Petrovych, I must go. I'm short on time.
Excuse me.
Yuriy Ivanovich!
I have one more question.
Well, if it won't take long... What is it?
What's with the delayed salary payments?
-Have we made the payments? -Of course.
It's always on my mind. The issue was resolved.
-Resolved? -Yes.
May I? Thanks.
My information says otherwise.
Here are the figures.
Odessa Oblast: we owe 398 million.
Lugansk, 280.
Kharkov, 177. And so on, and so forth.
People are owed four months of wages.
Please excuse me, of course,
but four months without wages...
You do the math.
How are they getting by, then?
Right...
You answer the question.
How are they getting by?
I remember perfectly. We earmarked the money.
Look for a glitch on the ground.
Go for it.
Four months...
I can't believe it.
I'm swamped with work.
It's time to retire.
ELECTRIC OVEN
Don't get excited. I came for my winter clothes.
He bought an oven.
The cheapest one, no doubt?
Honey bunny.
Honey.
Lord, that's my boy.
Attaboy.
Forgive me.
Forgive this silly hag, please. For everything!
Please.
Way to go.
Now...
Don't think about your conscience.
You did everything right! Well done.
I could be your conscience.
Let me suffer.
I'll go to church and light candles.
And let's travel.
Where to? Egypt? And go camel riding?
Or bamboleo, Brazil! Where to?
To Spain! Just say where!
Lord...
Standing here like that...?
People will see.
Or, we could buy a house.
A big, cheerful one.
With a swimming pool?
And a fur coat. Two.
One for you and one for me.
Identical, in white.
And we'll fix mom's teeth!
It's okay. I can do it on my own.
I've got it, no worries.
Did you count it? Nobody has cheated you? Well done! I'm proud of you.
I love you!
I'm at the spot.
We can see you.
Gentlemen, congratulations on our new acquisition.
Yes, on the new and beneficial acquisition.
How much did they cost us?
50 million.
Much cheaper than their predecessors!
Their predecessors were slick.
They knew the value of things.
These ones are...
young
and modest.
I like modest people.
Modesty embellishes a person.
Sure, especially if that person belongs to you now.
-Bon appétit. -Thank you.
Vasya, did you wish Olya
a happy Bank Employee Day?
I did, Mom, yes.
Only a word?
You should have taken her out to dinner.
I don't see how a holiday and food are linked.
It's time you two made peace.
You lived apart, let off steam, but that's enough.
Dad...
Seven years. Is that letting off steam?
You should move in together, Vasya.
Your child needs a father.
I agree. But you know she's seeing someone?
Who's she seeing?
She puts on airs for you.
That's old news, Mom. May I manage my own personal life?
And I thought, what are the tender sounds that I'm hearing?
It's the sound of Vasya nagging.
And I'm happy to see you, sis.
Really, change the subject. Nag Svetlana.
Oh, boy! With pleasure!
I might hear something new.
-Yeah, by the way! -Yeah?
Why are you neglecting Misha?
He's nice and he's liked you since high school.
Misha is nice. Let him like away.
Anyone but me.
He's not to my taste.
-You have taste? -Occasionally.
I wasn't aware. Misha is a great guy.
Misha is great.
And so is Sergei.
They're both like two peas in a pod.
Unsettled bachelors.
Vanya Skorik is the only normal guy.
He lives with Mila in perfect harmony.
That's it!
I'm getting a divorce!
About time!
You've ruined my life, you puny imbecile!
Piss off, both of you!
You and your mother!
I hope you croak, you hear me?
Mila, I'll shoot you and her!
-You imbecile! -Fuck you.
Hurrah!
Hello.
Good morning!
Morning.
-Good morning. -Good morning.
Tea or coffee?
Bella Rudolfovna, why tea or coffee?
Is there nothing else?
Like what?
Cocoa.
Cocoa is on the desk.
Here's the mail.
Thanks.
Yes?
Good morning, Vasyl Petrovych.
Did you see the tape?
With whom am I speaking?
It's not important.
What's important is our tape.
Did you like it?
We like it, too.
Now we're pondering
whether to release it to the public or not.
And your decision is...?
Vasyl Petrovych, that depends on you.
You know what needs to be done.
You have 30 minutes.
A subordinate looked his superior in the eyes and said,
"Who are you, the boss?
I hope you croak, boss!"
And, then,
the boss opened the window
and jumped from the 24th floor.
Let's drink
so that management...
defers to the opinions of their subordinates.
So, friends, let's drink to that!
No!
You have to drink it all,
otherwise you offend the toast giver.
Bella Rudolfovna,
please gather the press.
I want to give a statement.
When?
In one hour.
Vasyl Petrovych!
I wanted to ask a question.
In one hour, in the conference hall...
-In what sense? -The literal.
Is everything okay?
Yes, and are you okay?
-Yes. -Then in one hour.
Hello, my good man.
Mika...
We have to make arrests.
What arrests?
We agreed to wait and observe
to nab the ring leaders.
I see...
but there's no other option.
Understood.
We'll make the arrests.
Mr President, please comment on the video!
Mr President, we'd like to hear from you.
Vasyl Petrovych! We'd like to hear your--
Dear journalists!
Excuse me.
Have patience and hear me out.
Please.
Thanks.
Just now, a video was shown
on the nation's channels, that shows...
members of my team taking bribes.
I want to say right away that it wasn't doctored.
The footage is real.
Moreover,
I personally gave the order
to take the money.
Take it?
Are you serious?
Not really.
No?
No, what I mean is if we're going to take it,
then we should take the maximum.
You have to bargain.
-So take the money. -But why do it so hastily?
All I'm saying is, try and get the most money.
-For what? -For...
I don't know what for.
But for what?
I'll be blunt.
If an acquaintance told me
he was offered five million and he refused,
I'd call him a fool.
-Would you? -Yes.
How do you sleep at night afterwards?
In a deep slumber.
In a yacht on the Mediterranean Sea.
Among the best women,
and you'll sleep like a baby.
Do you know what that money could buy?
Money can't buy happiness!
What is happiness, Vanya?
Is it your shoddy, army-issued flat?
Or that rusty car that is older than you?
Saving each cent for a roof, sofa and appliances?
Buying, hugging the fridge and dying. Is that bliss?
What about morals?
I'll stop by once a year
with a 50-year-old cognac and we'll have it out.
Here's the deal.
I didn't ask for the money.
They brought it to me.
I didn't ask for this post. You appointed me.
The decisions were made for me, so I'm not in a position to decide.
So you're out?
You think I'm out?
If you want, I'll take it.
If you want, I'll take it and burn it.
Olya, what are your thoughts?
I'm scared.
Scared to take it?
I'm scared to even think of that kind of money.
Why think that way?
You should take it.
As much as you can,
so we can use the money
to give the state employees their back pay.
Correct!
Yes.
In essence, that's what I roughly had in mind.
Do we look like idiots?
You're twisting things around.
These are lame excuses.
You don't have anything more original?
Yana,
you're becoming so predictable.
We anticipated such a reaction so, please,
take a look at the TV.
I'm Sergei Viktorovich Mukhin,
the foreign affairs minister.
Right now, as part of a State Security Service sting operation,
I'm going to take a $10 million bribe.
Oh, I almost forgot...
All the money I receive in this manner, I promise to hand over
to the state budget of Ukraine.
Exactly 10 million? Do I need to count it?
Screw you!
That's not all.
All the bribery incidents
were documented just like this one.
If you would like, after the briefing,
each one of you
can get a copy of the video.
Sorry, this is very important.
Vasya!
All is good. Krivitskiy has been arrested.
But he wouldn't lead us to the ring leaders.
Not to worry.
He might break during questioning.
Good job.
Back here, we have what you might call "team building".
I'm sending a hello to colleagues from Nina Yegorovna!
As the new chief of the Security Service has just informed me,
the person who tried
to buy the members of my team
was just taken into custody.
He turned out to be a high-ranking Security Service officer.
An investigation is underway.
And to conclude, I'd like to brag a little.
As a result of this sting operation,
we received 50 million US dollars in bribe money.
It looks like we were ripped off.
Yeah, it's insulting.
But it's miniscule.
No, look at this, the lowest of lowlifes, but why should their kids suffer?
They could have led normal lives.
Their grandkids and kin.
Enough with the mush about other people's children.
What will we do about Krivitskiy?
We won't waste energy on spent material.
Moreover, if Krivitskiy flips on anyone,
it'll be Yuriy Ivanovich.
He's the ring leader.
To anybody else,
if you want to give our team a bribe,
please, we're available.
As we say in Ukraine, you're welcome.
Ukraine has many problems, so your money is useful.
Goodbye. Thank you.
Bastard!
Translated by Mark P. Raczkiewycz