I think the tax campaign is really important for Goloborodko.
May I use the toilet?
Tolya.
Sorry.
PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION OF UKRAINE
Thank you for coming.
I never could have imagined
that I'd be sitting at the same table
as the cream of the crop.
With Ukraine's business elite.
I was informed that you're on Forbes' 100 richest list.
It's truly an honor...
for me.
Looking at your erudite faces,
I'm not afraid for Ukraine.
It's clear that you're concerned about the country's fate,
that you keep an eye on the economy.
Unlike anyone else,
you know that a prosperous business guarantees...
a prosperous state.
Excuse me, of course, for drawing you away from important business,
but I'm afraid that
of your own volition...
you wouldn't have come for a meeting with the tax service.
-Hello. -Morning.
Amendments to the tax law.
Your father called. He got a license.
I won't quote what he said about this topic.
Thank you.
Thanks to your father,
I realized there's another language
that aspires to official status.
Welcome back.
The usual? Coffee with milk?
Valentina Nikolaevna Reshetko.
Here.
A pleasure.
Valentina Nikolaevna,
you own a nationwide gas station chain,
and two soccer clubs.
Miner and Metallurgist.
I do?
We have documentation that confirms this.
Oh, right!
I didn't catch what you said.
Yes, I'm the owner.
A chain of metallurgists
and miners...
who are nationwide.
Great. Moving on...
Viktoria Viktorovna Chuhon.
Present.
Ms Viktorovna,
you own the Press chain of fitness clubs.
You also own the Angelica chain of beauty salons
and aesthetic medicine clinics.
Am I missing anything?
If the Atlas building corporation
and an oil refinery are "nothing"...
then no.
It looks like we missed them.
Igor Yevgenievich,
you're a musician.
Yes, at the philharmonic.
I'm an accompanist.
You have a busy schedule.
Yes, sir.
Rehearsals, concerts and music lessons.
You also own vodka distillery.
-Yes? -How are you able to mix business and art?
I'm torn!
Indeed.
Where's Artur Igorevich Veniaminov?
Here.
How does Artur Igorevich deal with the rocket engine making business?
Is he coping with managing
a gigantic factory?
It was a gift.
Initially, we declined...
But Grandfather got mad.
Who's the grandfather?
Our grandfather is simply a saint.
What else is on the agenda?
Now, to the philharmonic...
As part of Georgian culture day in Ukraine, we'll see children perform.
Then, we'll unveil a memorial plaque to Shota Rustaveli,
followed by cocktails.
Understood.
You see, Father,
work is overwhelming.
-You have much secular work. -Indeed.
It was a joy to welcome our Orthodox Georgian brothers here.
Thanks for the hearty welcome.
Gentlemen, to the bus.
Thank you.
Yeah...
It's beautiful here.
Five years ago,
this was ruins and mire.
A kind person blessed us.
He made a donation for restoration,
workers, building materials and gold leaf.
-Have you seen our iconostasis? -Yes.
He melted down cufflinks and watches.
A grand iconostasis.
Who's the millionaire parishioner?
Why must he be a millionaire? He's a judge.
First-class, with a PhD in legal studies.
You don't say.
What's this judge's surname?
Bacon.
Bacon?
Yes, Presbytera, let it be bacon.
Or eggs, or sausage.
I enjoy eating.
Is he on the job now?
No. He's now closer to God.
-A long time ago? -Yes.
He donated his belongings for the temple
and signed up as a novice.
There he is.
Brother Sebastian.
Why did you go to the hen house?
You almost killed a chick.
You're not sorry?
You're lucky you were born a dog.
If you were a human...
we'd have thrown the book at you.
Breaking and entering, theft
and aggravated assault.
Plus,
attempted murder.
That's punishable by 15 years.
With your dog years, that's a life sentence.
Well...
Such a radical change of life...
Of course, it'll lead to the mind altering.
Vasyl Petrovych, in 15 minutes,
you're giving comments to journalists
on the state anti-tobacco campaign.
At 2:00 p.m., please don't forget,
you have a telephone conversation with the UN Secretary-General.
I won't forget.
So I have 15 minutes to peacefully drink my tea.
So Vasyl Petrovych Goloborodko lives here?
So I don't have 15 minutes to peacefully drink my tea.
I also want tea.
Lemon, two sugars. Thanks.
Would you, Bella Rudolfovna?
Thanks.
What, you couldn't find a prettier one?
Hire a young, energetic one like me.
She's like...
-I'm still here. -Oh, Lord.
Why are you still here? I ordered tea.
Sveta.
Excuse us, please.
Thanks.
Don't you think that was harsh?
-No. -No?
Not at all.
-You don't say? -Now I'll be harsh.
My dearest, since you've become president,
my friends have told me, "You've struck it rich!"
I sure struck something!
I totally struck out! The railway fired me.
My lover struck me off
and took the dining car with him.
How does this involve me?
-Well... -Okay, how can I help?
Hire me.
Hire...
As what?
You know I'm undemanding.
I'll do whatever.
I could head your administration.
Or the railway minister! Anything, really.
Governor of Odessa Oblast.
Why not? Everyone can but me?
Worst case scenario, I'll be chief of customs.
Sveta, I can't give you a job.
Why?
I just can't.
You know my principled position.
I'm against cronyism.
And you're my sister.
Are you really my brother?
Meaning?
You were abandoned.
You didn't know?
Stop it. Why didn't mom and dad tell me about this?
Mom and dad don't know.
I found you.
On a trash heap?
Oh, God. You remember.
Are you teasing me?
Do you know what will happen
if journalists catch whiff
of me giving my sister a sweet job?
What if they catch whiff
of the president peeping at his sister's schoolmates
when he was ten?
That was our secret.
You cornered me. I have no choice!
I cannot hire you.
This is what I get for saving your life?
When did you save my life?
When dad found cigarettes in your briefcase, what did he say?
That he'd kill you.
I said they were mine.
The opposite occurred! That's fiction.
Dad found the cigarettes on you, and you said they were mine.
Yours, mine! What's the difference?
-A big one! -We share all!
I would say such a--
Vasyl Petrovych, the journalists are waiting.
I have to go. Thanks, Bella Rudolfovna.
-Fraudster. -Takes one to know one!
-Where's the lemon? -Louse.
Cheapskate.
It's okay.
There are good people on earth.
By the way, Igor Yevgenievich,
according to a rating by the publication Impact,
your vodka distillery is the world's top brand.
-Really? -Yes.
I didn't know.
Yet, your distillery's advert mentions the same fact.
Those advertising people! How can it be helped?
Meanwhile...
the tax papers say
your distillery's yearly profit
was 200,000 hryvnias.
That's less than any godforsaken tire shop.
Yeah, but my brother said--
What?
I don't really know.
Your ignorance, Igor Yevgenievich,
doesn't absolve you.
I don't think the state should support
the development of a tobacco campaign in Ukraine.
It's not because I've never smoked.
That's true.
He's never smoked.
But regarding the bottle - routinely.
Right, Vasyl? See you later.
Sorry.
Ukrainian legislation has a clause on tax evasion.
All of you here are criminal tax dodgers.
I don't get it, what's this piece of paper?
It's a subpoena.
Read it and sign.
Before your court appearance,
you cannot leave the city, and moreover, the country,
since you're defendants in criminal cases.
Best wishes.
Thanks.
I could be the ambassador to Italy. Italy!
Wine, threads...
-Oranges. -The language.
Fine. Spain, then!
Hot, shrimps, the sea...
Sveta, the language!
Ambassador to Greece.
The language, Sveta. The language.
Language...
Where else is there?
Egypt. Turkey!
You must know the language.
Is there...
a blind-deaf-mute country
on the Mediterranean Sea?
Sign language.
There are 197 countries in the world.
I checked.
You say, there's not one country
that doesn't require language knowledge?
Russia.
Oh, no way. I need a job, not exile.
Okay, I could handle...
the monitoring of ambassadors.
I'll travel, watch and monitor.
I monitor the ambassadors.
I'm foreign affairs minister.
Are you feeling okay?
Sveta, forget about being an ambassador.
-Other options? -A consul.
Hello.
This is Oksana, my assistant.
Do we have vacancies?
Svetlana Petrovna needs a job.
Did you study international relations?
-I'm... -The president's sister.
Yes, yes.
I remember.
In New York. Exactly.
The ones who sit at a roundtable with headphones.
They always nod their heads with acumen.
They have--
Ukraine's envoys to the UN?
Right! The UN. I can do it.
He knows I'm communicative and energetic.
The president appoints the envoy to the UN.
No, the president and I are presently on the rocks.
What's it called?
The position.
A beautiful-sounding word.
An earl. No, not earl. Wait...
Sir, peer...
There's a magazine!
Persona!
Persona non grata?
That's it! Which country is that?
In any country.
Persona non grata
is a diplomatic concept.
It means "an unwelcome person".
But it's such a beautiful word.
By the way, we have a vacancy.
Cultural attaché.
In Mongolia.
Is that all?
For now, yes.
Which floor is Skorik's office on?
Oh, Lord.
Lordy, I'll find it. Don't escort me.
Yura, what the hell is going on?
Some patsy in glasses lectured me like an eighth grader.
He's jabbing papers and threatening jail time.
Vika, relax. The new government is targeting taxes.
Nothing bad has happened.
I don't plan on doing time alone.
You won't do time alone. Everyone will be there.
The prosecutor's Olya,
the top cop's Tamara and road cop's Oksana.
All your people.
That's not very funny.
Relax. Nobody will put you in jail.
Fair justice
or vapid political reprisals?
Today, against the relatives of Ukrainian politicians
criminal cases were opened for tax evasion...
Vasya!
Your sister was and still is a pain in the ass.
She's consumed my thoughts.
Will you wait? Let me listen!
We know the ending. The accused get bail.
A case is closed for lack of evidence.
Then, new posh estates of judges appear in the region's protected forests.
Are the president's moves clearer than we think?
Justice is nowhere near.
It's simple.
We live and let others make money?
What do you say?
What's there to say?
She wants you.
Sergei, not everything is about sex.
What? I told you long ago to do something about that Yana.
-You saw House of Cards? -Yes.
Remember how Spacey handled the journalist?
-How? He gave an interview? -Okay.
Call it a deep, long and exhausting interv--
Sergei!
She's right, after all.
It's easier to find a mammoth than an honest judge.
Stop it. Each year in our country over 10,000 young lawyers graduate.
How's it possible that not one honest judge can be found?
I can't believe it.
10,000 lawyers who, for the rest of their lives,
work to pay off their education.
Guys!
-I've got it. -What?
Seriously. I met some Georgians recently.
Enough about them.
Georgians are all over.
Are Georgians the only normal and honest people?
Look! A Georgian delegation and I visited a church.
Right! Send them to church to repent and we'll free them.
Will you let me finish or not?
Okay, speak.
I know where to find an honest judge.
At the Pechersk Court...
Thank you.
a court hearing...
Okay, here's...
-Hello. -Oh, hi.
...accused of tax evasion.
In the name of Ukraine,
having examined the materials of case 22146,
governed by article 176, clause 5 of the criminal procedural code,
the court ruled the following.
In order to ensure proper criminal proceedings,
a preventative measure will be applied toward the defendants
in the form of remanding in custody.
Oops. Hello.
Hi.
Good afternoon.
-Hello. -Good day.
-Please... -Thank you.
Can I help you?
Vasyl Petrovych, you joked,
and we appreciated your humor.
But why so radically?
As a classicist said, a consensus must be found.
Yuriy Ivanovich, you yourself said that you're clean.
We investigated. That's right.
The guilty were found. What's the problem?
We're clean,
but nobody cut off family ties.
Colleagues, I'm not against family ties.
But should a brother or sister not need to pay taxes?
They will pay.
He'll pay, she'll pay, they will all pay.
You, Yuriy Ivanovich?
I'll pay.
Very well.
Vasyl Petrovych.
We hope...
that the matter is closed.
Yes.
Then we won't take up any more of your time.
Thank you.
One more detail.
-Yes? -Yes, one. One detail.
It's hot. Pardon me.
You're in power.
Plus, you conduct business.
Yes.
That's against the law.
Thus, you must either sell your business...
Or?
Resign.
You decide.
We'll sell.
He'll sell,
he'll sell and she'll sell.
What about you?
And I'll sell.
That settles it.
-Then we'll leave. -Good luck.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Work on it!
Here, everyone has skeletons in their closet.
I don't believe Goloborodko is clean.
His school report card.
A "C" in chemistry?
Petty, Avdeyev.
Petty!
Goloborodko must have sinned.
I need a scandal.
A love affair with a student,
wife beating,
a drunk fight involving a knifing.
Here it is, this one!
Bravo, Vasiliev!
Go after him.
A hotel room, a naked president
and his gay lover.
But everyone knows...
this photo is of someone else.
It sucks.
Memorize this...
The only dirt that can't be refuted
is authentic.
Without seams
and adhesives.
This looks nice.
So we're drinking?
Is your conscience vexed?
What do you mean?
You blew off your only sister.
There are no jobs for your sister in your office.
You have no reason?
Not the same old story!
I haven't begun yet.
That was only the first half.
Thus...
our officials decided to sell their factories.
They promised.
They promised us and the president.
When our wealthy officials make a promise, what does that mean?
Correct.
Nothing.
Most importantly, just look how much they want to sell their companies.
Here's a notice I found on the internet.
Will sell a lemonade plant
with units in Russia
and the European Union.
Zero profits,
equipment dilapidated.
The workers drink.
The managers steal.
Price: 3 billion euros.
Do you see how a person dreams
of getting rid of their enterprise?
Does anyone believe
that our ministers and lawmakers will sell their factories and steamships?
Here, a man raised his hand.
Do you believe?
You have to use the bathroom?
Then excuse me, you didn't need to raise your hand.
I'll ask another question.
Who believes our planet is ruled by aliens?
Isn't he funny?
Already more.
Three hands.
The man again.
I told you, there's no need to raise your hand, just go.
It's easy to understand simple people.
But the political elite is in the front.
So many people aren't in the Cabinet.
When I asked the first question,
why didn't you raise your hands?
You don't believe?
Don't believe in yourselves.
But our president believes.
If Vasyl Petrovych were here...
he would be the first to raise his hand.
Vasya, don't get upset.
I'll handle this problem.
It's not about you.
I'm the first deputy head of the tax service.
What, Misha didn't tell you?
It'll be okay.
Translated by Mark P. Raczkiewycz