Olya, do you hear yourself?
I won't give you five billion.
Three?
And not three.
Two, then?
Olya, we're not at the farmers' market.
But the treasury has been replenished.
So what if it has?
I need to stabilize the currency.
Olya, I know. Besides stabilizing the...
Besides the currency,
we have other issues, like the roads.
How will the money be used?
It'll be put to use. How should I know?
We're Ukrainians.
We're not used to having...
money in the treasury.
Vasya, why are you rattled?
Why am I rattled?
I'm not rattled.
It's as if you all consp...
As if...
you conspired.
Skorik asks for money for uniforms.
Misha wants money for customs.
Everyone calls to say "give me"!
Sergei is the only decent person.
He doesn't call, doesn't ask.
There you go. Now he's calling.
Okay, later. Bye.
Va...
Hi. What do you want?
For what? Ten billion? Seven? Five? Three? How much?
What, 2,000 hryvnias?
To borrow?
Sorry, old buddy. I'm short on cash.
From where?
What, give you tax money?
Bye, now!
Look, they're standing around, not working! Pull over.
What's there to do?
Hello.
Who's in charge?
I am.
So what?
Why aren't you working? It's not lunchtime.
Then, what are we doing?
You're definitely not working.
Every time I drive here, there's nothing but potholes.
Vasyl Petrovych.
Don't turn us into scapegoats.
Who's president? You or me?
What do you mean? You want me to patch the holes?
Holes aren't the issue.
Tell us, what should we fill them with?
With dog shit?
The whole crew got
one bucket of road metal!
-Is that normal? -No, it's not.
So why are you here?
You're amusing.
The crew chief called, so we came.
Is there a roadside section? Yes.
The crew? Yes.
Faking work, pardon me, is also present.
That's messed up!
-Petrovych! -What?
It's not messed up.
No, it's f***ed up!
Pardon my French.
PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION OF UKRAINE
Yuriy Ivanovich, the people...
Don't do that! Cut it out!
PRIME MINISTER OF UKRAINE PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE
What just happened?
Why the uproar?
You're as wild as banshees.
-What's going on with the pharmacies? -Yuriy Ivanovich!
You see, the pharmacies are empty.
Calm down. They're yours.
You have pharmacies nationwide. What's wrong?
The hospitals!
You want to buy the hospitals?
I mean, for the state.
-You want all of the state? -Yes.
-Well... -Yuriy Ivanovich!
-Yes. -Roads need to be built.
We have one good road and it's yours...
from your estate to your office, and a highway to your mother-in-law's.
Six lanes.
No matter how much you get, you build roads to your relatives.
Let's all, in turn, speak constructively.
-Yes. -We really need three billion.
To extract liquefied natural gas.
Liquefied gas isn't extracted, it's produced.
Let's start a producer that extracts liquefied gas!
We'll suck oil!
Suck oil, right?
Why should you suck if we've been sucking
our neighbor's for many years?
It's better to suck our own than our neighbors'.
If no one is healthy, nobody will be able to suck!
What's being f***ing healthy got to--
Culture minister, please.
You're not in your ministry.
Watch your words and how you talk.
A woman is next you,
motherf***er!
Sorry, lady. Listen, Yuriy Ivanovich.
Can I say one word? Give a little for culture!
For theater, for ballet, for cinema at least.
What a circus!
And for the circus...
Hello.
-Hi. -Hi.
Wait, we need to talk.
I have lots of work to do. I'll come by later.
What's wrong? The first deputy isn't cutting it?
She's failing?
You know already?
You thought otherwise?
Actually, yes.
Sveta swore that it would be our little secret.
What were you thinking?
Vasya...
I couldn't refuse her.
I'm scared of her.
She's a fearful person.
She manipulates.
She's a good psychologist.
Do you hear yourself?
We're talking about my sister!
-I wanted to tell her "no". -Well?
I had some kind of blackout.
When I came to, her job hiring order was before me.
You don't say!
-Evidently, my hand, by itself... -Evidently.
Now you'll go with that hand and sign her dismissal order.
Vasya.
-I beg you. Calm down. -What if the press finds out?
It'll cause a stir!
No stir. She has a different name.
It's not about names. It's cronyism.
-What cronyism? -This kind!
Vasya, I...
I can't fire someone without cause.
It's labor code abuse.
Did you hire her based on the code?
Here it is: either you fire her...
Or you fire her.
Or I'll fire you.
Or she'll fire us.
We have such a nice--
Quiet, gentlemen.
Hello.
Sorry, colleagues, for disturbing your meeting.
I have a wonderful bit of news.
I wanted to share it.
There's spare money in the Treasury.
Vasyl Petrovych!
We need it!
Quiet!
I realize, colleagues,
each one of your areas is important for the nation...
but I've made a decision.
First, roads.
-Right. Vasyl Petrovych. -Yes?
Maybe we shouldn't just squander the money
and somehow...
put it to good use?
I think it's important and topical.
That's true, isn't it?
This is pure utopia.
I'll try, okay?
-Yes? -Yes.
Sure.
Infrastructure minister, come by my office.
Sure. I understand everything.
I'm off. Carry on. Excuse me.
-In one hour. -Sure, got it.
Why are you grinning?
You're living large.
Our money, surely, for your roads!
What just happened?
A covert-op by Svetlana Petrovna
to check the work of the railways.
It's the third raid as of this morning.
We've filled the detention rooms.
The Odessa rail route is paralyzed.
Who was just brought in?
The head of the main rail station,
the head of the Kyiv-Odessa unit,
plus the manager of the dining car of that unit.
What did the manager do?
The manager is...
the ex of Svetlana Petrovna.
What does the head of the Ukrainian railway have to say?
Ask him yourself. He's in the third cell.
He was part of the first group.
Where's Svetlana Petrovna?
She's searching the southern station chief's office.
Who would have thought?
DEPUTY HEAD OF THE TAX SERVICE SVETLANA PETROVNA SAKHNO
What's this?
Svetlana Petrovna said she'd be more comfortable in your office.
Where should I go?
She didn't say.
I see.
Sergei Pavlovich.
I'd like to show you some amusing illustrations.
Here, for example,
is the Gdansk-Lodz highway.
It's 291 kilometers long.
Impressive? High quality.
It was built in two-and-a-half years.
Moving on... Here...
A section of the Kosice-Bratislava highway.
One kilometer of this road costs,
I imagine, 1,5 million euros less than here.
This isn't all. Minsk-Brest...
Here... It looks like a mirror.
People built a high-quality road.
It's not needed repairs since being built.
Can you imagine? Stuff like that happens!
These are our neighbors.
I'm not showing you pictures of roads in America,
Germany and Italy
to mentally bludgeon you.
Here's a death-defying act.
Odessa-Ilichyovsk.
What do you think?
What a number!
It's swimmable.
Here's a portion of the Lutsk-Rovno road.
Very nice.
An actual swimming pool.
You could get spa treatment here.
Now there's more...
I don't know where this is or where it goes,
but clearly...
it's not to heaven.
If we have such roads, why don't we make the entire country a pedestrian-only zone?
We won't have national highways
but national routes.
Trails, routes, paths and narrow-gauge railways.
I have one question for you.
Why isn't it the same here?
I agree.
Our roads do not stand up to scrutiny.
It's my fault. I'll take action.
You will.
Enough with the lame excuses.
Answer my question: why?
Vasyl Petrovych...
we need more money.
Really?
I saw huge sums in the estimates.
The money that goes into your ministry.
Vasyl Petrovych...
we have a huge staffing deficit.
Really?
According to my data,
80,000 people work for the State Highway Service.
-Really? -Yes.
You didn't know?
-I mean-- -I see.
Perhaps, it's just that the people who manage these workers,
have a huge mental deficit.
What do you think?
-Sure. -Really?
That is, there are many reasons.
Also, the severe Ukrainian cold weather.
Then, how do you think roads function in Norway and Finland?
Ever think about that?
-No. -No?
That is, yes.
You see, Vasyl Petrovych,
we have difficult terrain.
Very.
In addition,
Ukraine is located
at the junction of tectonic plates.
-The junction of plates. -The junction.
Yes, I've read about this.
The Karakoram Highway.
Situated 4,700 meters above sea level.
-4,700? -4,700.
-No more lame excuses.
Vasyl Petrovych,
maybe we got hexed?
We got hexed?
Enough. You're infrastructure minister.
Please prepare a schedule and the amounts for the roadwork.
Start with the capital city.
In one day? Do it in just one day?
One day is more than enough!
Are you the infrastructure minister, or not?
Are you head of the Highway Service or not? Then listen.
If there aren't normal roads in Kyiv by tomorrow,
you'll be a roller man for the rest of your life!
Are you head of the Kyiv Highway or not?
Either get the roads in Kyiv smooth by tomorrow,
or I'll become a roller man and will roll you under asphalt.
Do you run the district or not?
Look here. Mark my words.
Either we roll the asphalt or they roll it over us. Got it?
Do you run the section or not?
Look here. If I hear again that you're stealing road metal...
What's there to steal?
It's been stolen three times over!
And who was selling road metal at the flea market?
F***k, I was!
I was selling it!
Don't worry, I'll sell it again.
Because my children don't want to eat road metal.
You piece of shit! We haven't been paid in three months!
The district is owed 10 million!
Pay the debt and nobody will steal.
We'll finish it in one f**king month.
Reporting...
We need two months and 20 million.
We need six months and 400 million.
Hello, Sergei Pavlovich. We need a year and one billion.
Vasyl Petrovych,
I researched the query.
To repair roads in Kyiv, we need two years,
and two billion.
Indeed, not in hryvnias.
Sveta!
What are you doing?
Do you realize what this can lead to?
Have you lost your marbles?
Free everyone immediately
and apologize to each one personally!
Sound good?
-Convincing. -Really? Good.
Now, Misha.
What are you doing in my office?
Sveta...
I mean...
What?
-Just-- -If you're unsettled, then stay.
No, I'm not...
Still here?
Out. It's a confidential discussion. Move it.
Shut the door. Well done.
Can you explain this to me?
-What the hell is going on? -Misha--
On what basis are you arresting people
without due process?
Misha, nobody is arresting anyone anymore.
Everyone is free. Much obliged.
Listen, Sveta...
Close your eyes.
Open your mouth.
I really don't have time for this.
What is this?
Redemption for a quiet life.
Alright.
You split it.
I trust you.
I think 70-30 is true to one's conscience.
Sveta...
Okay, 40-60.
Sveta!
What, Misha, have you become wiser? Okay, 50-50.
Agreed!
Right, I need an order.
From you, I need a special unit.
I want to pay a visit to the Kyiv customs office.
One squad should do. No, give me two!
Done.
Look at this.
Blind me...
You woke up to the situation.
Well done.
Now the surprise...
from the bunny.
Sanin!
Listen, you...
You what, fired me? Sanin!
Are you crazy? You can't fire me!
Do you hear me? You can't...
You can't fire me, Sanin!
I'm the president's sister!
Here you are. Here's everything on Vasyl Petrovych.
I sifted through all the police statements since 1985.
Everything until 1985...
is in the archives.
We'll check the archives.
Sorry for making you
dig through papers.
It's better to clean the blank spots now.
Otherwise...
the press could get word.
No problem.
If the security service needs it,
we're happy to help.
July 1985.
Shattered glass with a ball.
That happens to everyone.
Children.
September 1988.
Making noise in the entrance. Small time.
1995.
Poisoned a dog.
This is something.
The dog died of natural causes.
It was old.
I see.
2001.
Attempted rape.
Now this is of interest.
Why wasn't the case sent to court?
Are there fingerprints, forensics and witness statements?
Spiridonova,
date of birth, 1934.
That's...
How old was she then?
67.
She's 81 now.
She's registered
at the psych clinic.
Schizophrenia.
Of the paranoid type.
All of these statements are from Spiridonova.
I have similar statements for every resident of the building.
Pity.
Why is it a pity?
I pity Spiridonova.
Right. Truly a pity.
Besides crazy people's statements,
there's nothing else?
No, nothing else.
By the way, the president's security also came by.
I told them the same thing.
Krivitsky?
Maybe Krivitsky, I don't know.
That's what I said,
Vasyl Petrovych is clean before the law.
Do you need these statements?
No.
No one...
needs it anymore.
Svetlana Petrovna, your meteoric rise ended with such a sharp fall.
You didn't last one day on the job.
The reason?
The reason is that I re-examined
my attitude towards this so-called position.
I totally agree with Mikheil Saakashvili.
That is, that the president's relatives have no place in civil service.
Therefore, I don't want to smear and sling mud,
so to say, on my own brother,
the president.
I don't get it.
Did you quit, or did they fire you?
Dad, did you hear what the person on TV said?
I didn't want to hurt Vasya, understand?
I thought maybe you didn't know where or what to take.
What do you mean?
More important, actually, is when.
When people in this country want to begin a new life,
you, the president's father,
say such things to me, the president's sister,
before the president's niece.
-Dad! -I didn't say anything.
I think it's prestigious to be the tax service deputy head.
Being Ukraine's ambassador to the UN is also prestigious.
Sure, Mukhin called me.
He said, "Be ambassador to India.
To Tunisia, Egypt. Come on!"
I said...
"And the language?"
Do I have a higher education in international relations?
Then, it's cronyism.
Vasya also...
"You'll be chief of staff for the president's office."
I say, "Brother!
You're not a brother to me after making such an offer!"
For 20 years, we haven't got rid of this cronyism!
Mom, I'm going.
Okay. Be home by midnight. Don't be late.
Dad, are you nuts? Don't say it in front of the child.
I don't get what he's doing.
Me neither. It's like, what? Before Vasya, all the presidents were orphans?
No sisters or relatives?
They had it made, no doubt!
Even first and second cousins!
But it ends here. The trough is nailed shut!
Maybe he's not our blood?
Maybe they switched him at birth
with some kind of freak?
It's all maternal upbringing!
Early on, she felt bad taking from the sick.
I think, why did I feel bad?
I should have choked him with tights as a child.
There are 197 countries, but nowhere for me to be an envoy!
My words, too!
Does he have 100 fathers?
One father. One sister.
Make the sister railway minister
and father, head of customs.
For a year, or for six months. Two months is even enough.
-Yes. -The nation won't die!
Exactly. Dad, what's wrong with you? Do you have a brain?
Are you nuts? What are you saying?
Do you have a conscience?
How can you say such things?
Do you realize that if you steal, I steal and she steals,
nothing will remain in the country?
The children, grand...
Why did you return?
-I forgot my purse. -I see.
-Don't be late. -Okay.
You'll give me a heart attack.
Daddy.
Get stuffed.
Yes, Olya. I told you already, I won't give you five billion.
Look, I don't need your five billion.
You could have sent
one message.
What kind of message?
I don't know...
"Olya, happy name-day."
Oh, sorry, Olya.
Sorry. You see, today with the money, we turned it around.
Olya.
My darling, beloved, happy name-day.
Thanks.
Not at all, sweetie.
Any plans?
Plans? Just...
I got together with the girls.
We decided
to throw a party.
Nice idea.
Where's Dima?
Dima is with your ex mother-in-law.
Mother-in-laws are for life.
Don't stay out too late.
Say hi to the girls.
Kisses. Bye.
Translated by Mark P. Raczkiewycz