-Good evening, gentlemen. -Hello.
Yuriy Ivanovich.
They came and brought us here by force.
Excuse us, but the session is closed.
It's not the Olympics. It can be reopened.
Who have you got to open it?
Everyone is gone.
I have a flight to Monte Carlo in one hour.
Your worry is misplaced.
This is how it works: you fly away to Monte Carlo,
but, actually, you fly away from the faction.
I was in the middle of a wild boar hunt.
I know. You're in luck, young boy scout.
A bigger animal needs rounding up.
Above all, he should be driven out of the way.
-How will we manage alone? -Yuriy, what can we do?
-There's only three of us left. -Please enter.
Greetings, colleagues.
Welcome.
Come on, faster. Take your places.
PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION OF UKRAINE
Let go!
Five times 4,2 is how much?
21.
-Be quiet. -Round it to 25.
Who will re-measure?
Okay, write down: "25 meters,
neighbor is modest, intellectual and has no bad habits".
-Neighbor? -Intellectual is with one "l"?
With two.
Dad...
Let's get him two neighbors!
-It'll be tight. -Really?
Wait. Here...
-Hold this. -What?
-Hold it! -Hold it!
That's all of our Vasya.
Are you growing?
-No. -That's good.
We'll lay him like so.
-Still tight. -Tight, right.
I've got it.
What's going on?
-Like this. -In the corner?
We'll do a wall.
Like this.
-It'll work. -He won't fit that way.
-Who? -You know who.
He can sleep sitting up.
-That's right. -Yes.
He has no time to sleep. He's busy defiling the family.
What is all this about?
He's deaf as well.
We're going to rent your room out. Got it?
We're adding to the household budget!
Are you sane?
-Dad. -What?
Listen...
If we have so much room,
and the room is partitioned with him in that kennel and us over there.
Two beds can go here.
Even two bunk beds.
That way we'll have a hostel!
You clever girl!
Excuse me?
You're excused. Sit.
Read the utility bill.
That will cheer you up.
Recalculated?
They take from the people quickly.
But it takes ages for them to give!
I've finally got it.
The armchair rally has begun.
Fine.
-Good luck, revolutionaries. -Look!
The government doesn't hear the people!
Take it easy.
Dad, what's with the jokes?
Who said I was joking? You've reached your daily power use limit.
Tighten your belt.
If you use my shaving cream again, I'll take away your house keys.
Dad, isn't a separate corner for him too much?
Look here.
It's ideal. We'll build a shelf, like on a train.
He comes, sleeps, wakes and leaves.
He could sleep on the balcony.
-It's summer. -It's an option.
-Sure. -Are you done?
Wonderful. The meeting with voters is over.
Until next time.
Stop! Sausage, please.
I bought them.
So what?
I made you an omelet. Sit down.
-Thanks. -Okay.
Enjoy.
If you really want to talk...
As president, I had no choice.
An International Monetary Fund requirement was to raise prices.
After that, Ukraine has the chance to enter the European Union. Get it?
Let's get to the point.
We saved to go to Turkey,
now we'll save to pay bills.
With your teacher's salary...
you lived here for free.
Nobody said a word to you. Now...
Sorry, I'm not rich. Sveta doesn't print money.
You slashed your presidential salary, dumbo.
Now there's household austerity and market relations. Verstehen?
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
What about the bill?
What bill?
An omelet is 90 hryvnias?
Well... Three eggs, butter.
The sausage.
Electricity, the chef and waitress.
Waitress... This is robbery!
No, Vasya.
This is robbery.
You'll pay it. It's your turn.
Vasya, don't worry.
You're dry. Pay later once your salary comes.
Thanks. I adore you. A big service.
By the way, if you're interested,
"omelet" has two letters "e's".
This is for you.
I have to work. Bye.
Love and kisses, your guarantor.
When is the next election?
Hello?
What?
Mr President,
please excuse me,
but I don't get what is not to your liking this time?
Everything is fine right now.
I just didn't think it would all happen so quickly.
I thought the price hike would take place after the New Year.
That's how it was before, but it's a different time now.
Vasyl Petrovych, with all of your policies,
my conscience won't allow me to impede the president's initiatives.
That's why all matters are addressed in the blink of an eye.
I put together a legislative package.
I gave it to parliament.
The lawmakers, without delay, immediately passed it.
Vasyl Petrovych, understand me right, the country is changing for the better.
-It's all changing bit by bit. -Good morning. Sorry.
Have you seen the president?
I have. He's here.
Where?
He was just here.
I have a business matter to discuss.
You are...
I'm the head of EBRD.
Can I help you with anything?
Could you repay our bank the 250 million loan?
I believe, Vasyl Petrovych
is in his office.
-The ecology minister is here. -Hello.
Hi.
Lord. Where can I hide? Here...
She'll see.
Why did I come here?
-Good morning. -Morning.
Is Vasyl Petrovych here?
Well...
He left.
Where is he?
Probably, in the café.
Thank you.
Where is it?
Straight down the hall.
Thank you very much.
Please tell him
that if I don't find him there,
I'll come back here.
-They're looking for you. -Okay.
Wait!
-I think, the president is in the café. -Okay.
Mr President?
-Vasyl Petrovych! -Hi there!
-It's so nice to see you! -I was looking for you!
-Maybe coffee? -No, thanks.
-It's aromatic! Desserts! -You're hiding.
-Order me one! -No dessert.
-Don't hide. I'll find you! -Wait, I was looking for you!
No. Vasyl Petrovych!
Vasyl Petrovych! Wait.
He'll arrive soon.
You promised, Vasyl Petrovych!
You promised me!
Excuse me.
And here.
-Good morning. -Morning.
-Hi! How are you? -Hello.
We are planning raids.
Of underground casinos in Kyiv.
Good. Casinos corrupt the youth.
It's about time. I don't grasp all of this.
I've never seen one.
Carry on.
-My best. -Thanks.
-Goodbye.
Yesterday, I was at a casino and lost all of my money.
-Such a nasty place. -Where?
Somewhere here.
-Here. -That's a church.
You don't say! Is anything sacred anymore?
Prepare the raids!
Good afternoon.
-I'm not here. -Got it.
Excuse me.
I am looking for President Goloborodko.
-Hello. -Hi.
I don't understand Russian, I speak Armenian.
Did you find him?
I find him, then I lose him.
Let's call him.
-Okay. -So...
-Yes. -Vasyl Petrovych.
-Yes, Yuriy. -Vasyl Petrovych!
I hear you, Yuriy.
And I see you.
I see you too.
What are you doing here?
Here, Yuriy Ivanovich...
I decided to prepare my speech.
I was walking...
-My God! -Mr President.
-You're running from me! -Perish the thought.
No, I am searching for you.
-Mr President. -Yes?
We need to have a serious talk.
-Let's go. -To your office?
No.
Not to my office. To a café.
-Okay. -Outside somewhere.
-You're coming? -Yes. I'm right here.
-I wrote to you. -Yes?
I was writing and reminding you daily.
You know,
I lost all hope of meeting you.
Forgive me,
I'm not the type to...
It's just I've had my hands full.
Sure, I understand.
Therefore, let's get this done quickly and part ways.
How do you mean, quickly and part ways?
-No... -What do you mean, "no"?
Quiet. I don't take "no's". No kind of "no's".
You promised me then.
But you were slightly drunk.
I understand. So, we decided not to rush.
We did the right thing then, deciding not to rush.
But, you promised me we'd do it the next time.
-Is there a way we can skip this part? -No way.
We Swedes,
we are a proud people.
-We like-- -Yes. I heard what you like.
We like to fulfil promises.
I want it very much. Very.
You, I gather, also want it?
You see, it's not that I want...
You're a very attractive young woman.
I have never been with a Swedish woman.
I don't understand. This isn't necessary!
We could do it right here!
Don't yell.
How can we? We can't here.
It's raining and chilly.
I know, of course,
that it's easier to do this in your office.
-No. -I'm not ready to do it on my desk.
Then we could do this in the car.
Tolya or Yuriy's car? They will both blab.
We could do this at the airport.
Not the airport, there are cameras everywhere.
People, police.
Matilda, look.
Let's remain friends?
Friends, Vasyl?
Ukraine, Sweden--
Perhaps you didn't bring the documents?
Are we already legalizing our relations?
Yes.
Legalizing our relations is a necessity.
I thought you would invite journalists.
-To make it public. -You're turning this into a--
-That's how it's done in Sweden. -I don't know what happens in Sweden!
-Who knows? -In front of journalists. I...
With you, okay. But in front of journalists...
We must do the documents in front of journalists. Publicly.
-Let it be this way. -I don't know. What kind of documents?
Loan repayment documents.
For our bank.
So long! Come on.
The plane flew away.
Matilda!
Mr President.
Wait. Don't.
Why not?
I thank you for the fantastisch evening!
It's fantastisch on a rope.
Why don't you get down?
I want to tell you something. Okay?
-That's good. Get down! -Careful.
I'd almost forgotten.
Your country
still owes our bank.
-The EBRD. -I am a ballet dancer.
A big amount.
Exactly 250 million euros.
-That's nothing for us. -That's why I wanted to meet you.
To legalize everything.
Do you promise?
-Bang! -Vasyl Petrovych.
-Do you see how I wag my tail? -Marvelous.
Bang! What? Afraid?
-Yes. -I won't harm you.
Could we formalize the promise officially?
-We just met each other. -Give me your word.
I give you my word!
Okay, goodbye.
-Remember, you promised. -Bye.
Until tomorrow. I'll be waiting.
I promise.
You're referring to the loan?
You confused me!
I thought it was about you and me, with each other...
You confused me. Then how? Wait...
What does your message mean then?
"Vasyl, you're like everyone else."
Who is everyone?
Presidents of Ukraine.
You are always there to ask for loans.
But repaying them...
Presidents of Ukraine.
I'm sorry. I got it all mixed up.
Matilda, here is to you.
To our friendship.
We'll repay it.
-Thanks. -I promise you.
Our reserves are dry.
I don't know how we'll pay it back.
I don't know, got it?
You must have partied like rock stars.
For 250 million.
Are you worried about the country?
Or are you mad that we didn't take you with us?
Vanya, it has to be repaid.
Otherwise, we are no better than predecessors.
Why did you give an empty promise?
Don't go there, Olya.
-Vasya is a man of his word. -I see.
Like yesterday,
he argued with the head of the IMF.
-Sergei, don't start. -Why?
I wasn't the one drinking water from a vase.
And I wasn't the one ordering vodka!
If you hadn't got the bright idea
to stick me with that ugly Swede--
-I stuck you with her? -Who?
-You asked me. -Really?
-Whom did I ask? -Are you crazy?
-Nonsense. -Vasyl Petrovych.
If you have nothing else for me to do, may I leave?
Yes, Bella Rudolfovna.
-Thanks. -Goodbye.
-Goodnight.
You stinking lush!
You got totally wasted.
I was saving you!
-Enough! -I have an idea.
What is it you lushes say?
"Like cures like"?
Thus, the vodka drove us,
I mean you, to this crisis.
Let vodka drive you out.
Meaning, let it get us out of this crisis.
Raise the excise tax on alcohol.
Raise it, Vasyl Petrovych?
Do you realize what this will lead to?
There is no other option.
It needs to be done right away.
It won't happen immediately. The lawmakers are on recess.
-Good evening. -Yuriy Ivanovich.
Enough is enough.
When will we go on recess?
It is, after all, our constitutional right.
Exactly!
Quiet!
My dear, did you read the Constitution in Monte Carlo?
Unexpected.
Yuriy.
Why the rush?
Really, is it urgent?
If I call you, I need you!
Have you forgotten who pays for Monte Carlo,
your horses, your pheasants?
Have you forgotten?
Begin.
Dear colleagues, I put to a vote bill number 70-35.
Show your hands.
Good evening. Here are today's reports.
A strong tsunami in southern Asia has caused billions in damage.
Global warming has reached breaking point.
The human race is in critical danger.
But, let's start with a news flash.
It just emerged
that the government decided to raise the excise tax on alcohol.
Next month, the price of vodka, cognac and other spirits
will increase by 30%.
According to the president, this will boost budget revenues
by 250 million euros.
Thanks a lot, Tolya. Take care.
You don't have to escort me inside.
I said goodnight, Tolya. Go home.
I will be alright.
See, nobody is there.
It's safe.
Okay?
Later.
Didn't you understand?
You have a wife.
Do you have kids?
A conscience?
Please, go home.
I promise I won't leave. I'll stay in the flat.
No smoking, no restaurants, nothing.
No taking out the trash.
Hi, Dad.
You're not sleeping?
You see,
I can't sleep for some reason.
Right.
A suitcase? Who is leaving?
-Is Sveta going? -No!
You're the one going.
-Meaning? -Meaning, you.
I've had it up to here with your presidency.
Did a dog bite you in the ass?
What's going on?
It's very simple.
First,
you sent mom back to work, and I let it go.
Then, with your blessing, we started penny pinching. I let it go.
But this...
no way in hell.
They wanted a 250 million euro repayment.
What would you do in my place?
Let everyone stay in their own place.
I am a cabbie, I drive.
You're the boss.
-Go and govern. -Dad.
-Go. -Wait. Where should I go now?
The world is big.
You'll work it out.
Translated by Mark P. Raczkiewycz